Buzzfeed “quizzes” suck

They aren’t quizzes! A quiz tests your knowledge, preferably your useless knowledge. Buzzfeed and its ilk have some of those, but most of the “quizzes” I see don’t ask, “What do you know?”. Rather, they ask, “What are you?”.

buzzfeed-personality-tests
Upon completing these, I will know how much I know about television, but mostly some person’s arbitrary opinion of aspects of my personality over which I have most definitely spent many hours brooding.

SO WHEN YOU CALL THEM “QUIZZES” YOU ARE ACTUALLY REFERRING TO THE PHENOMENON KNOWN AS “PERSONALITY TESTS” AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD FOR YOUR BLATANT MISREPRESENTATION I DON’T CARE IF MY ZODIAC SIGN SAYS THAT I SHOULD DATE CINDERELLA IN UZBEKISTAN WHILE EATING BUFFALO CHICKEN PIZZA AND GETTING SORTED INTO HUFFLEPUFF THAT IS JUST ARBITRARY AND STUPID AND GLORIFIED HOROSCOPING AT LEAST YOU COULD HAVE THE DECENCY TO CREATE A SEPARATE SECTION FOR GENUINE QUIZZES GRARGLE GRARGLE GRAR.

Buzzfeed “quizzes” suck. They are killing America.

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“Meteoric rise” sucks

Meteors are also known as “shooting stars” or “falling stars.” They fall, i.e. descend, i.e. go down, i.e. plummet. Rising is the process of ascending, i.e. going up, i.e. skyrocketing (as opposed to groundrocketing).

leonid-meteor-storm-1833
Meteors falling over a fall

SO WHEN YOU SAY “METEORIC RISE” YOU ARE SAYING SOMETHING BLATANTLY, OBNOXIOUSLY CONTRADICTORY. “AU CONTRAIRE, JAMIE!” YOU MAY SAY, “‘METEORIC’ CAN ALSO MEAN ‘RAPID’ IT DOES NOT LITERALLY REFER TO METEORS,” BUT TO THAT I RESPOND “BULLPOOPY I DOUBLE-DOG DARE YOU TO FIND ‘METEORIC’ USED TO DESCRIBE ANYTHING OTHER THAN A ‘RISE’ GO ON I WILL WAIT.” THE WORDS ARE DE FACTO CONJOINED TWINS AT THIS POINT DESPITE THE FACT THAT A RISING METEOR WOULD BE ABJECT LUNACY AND AGAINST THE LAWS OF PHYSICS UNLESS IT WAS FILLED WITH HELIUM OR SOMETHING.

“Meteoric rise” sucks. It is killing America.

People who use “OCD” as an adjective suck

“OCD” = “obsessive-compulsive disorder.” “Disorder” is a noun. “Obsessive-compulsive” modifies “disorder,” ergo “obsessive-compulsive” is an adjective. “OCD” is a noun.

SO WHEN YOU SAY, “I AM SO OCD” YOU ARE WRONG AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD FOR BEING WRONG. YOU WOULD NOT SAY “I AM SO SICKNESS” WHEN YOU MEAN TO SAY “I AM SO SICK” SO YOU SHOULD NOT SAY “I AM SO OCD.” LEARN FROM TOBIAS.

People who use “OCD” as an adjective suck. They are killing America.