INT. LOU’S PET SHOP – 6 P.M. ON A WEDNESDAY IN JULY
ALICE, an angelic ANGELFISH, approaches the SALES COUNTER, staffed by BOB, a blathering BLADDERWORT.
How much does this tin of bloodworms cost? I need to feed them to myself.
That’s a great deal!
Alice untucks a DISCOVER CARD from her right gill and passes it to Bob, who rings her up and gives her a RECEIPT. ALICE checks the receipt as she turns to leave.
What the fuck, you charged me fifty dollars!
Dollar fifty. See for yourself.
Bob gestures at a HITHERTO UNNOTICED PRICE TAG on the tin. “$50” is EMBLAZONED on the tag.
That says fifty dollars!
No, it clearly says dollar, then fifty. Dollar fifty. Can’t you read, stripey?
I take great offense to that slur and your execrable professional conduct!
They fight. Alice SWIMS toward Bob, stimulating the TRIGGER HAIRS on one of his BLADDER TRAPS. Bob attempts to suck Alice into the bladder, but Alice is TOO BIG to be sucked. As Bob attempts to reset the bladder through ACTIVE TRANSPORT, Alice begins to NIBBLE at Bob’s bladders.
Alice finishes eating Bob’s bladders. He DIES, eventually, after STARVING to death.
Do you say “Dollar two” or “Dollars two” when discussing the price of two bags of delicious Crispy M&M’s? Or do you behave like a decent person and say “Two dollars”? I suspect and hope that it’s the latter. When we speak of money, or of any quantity, we say the number and then the unit. Such is the natural order.
SO WHEN WE WRITE “$500” INSTEAD OF “500$” WE CONTRADICT THE SPOKEN LANGUAGE FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER. IT IS ABOMINABLE TO NEEDLESSLY TRANSPOSE THE DOLLAR SYMBOL COULD YOU IMAGINE THE CHAOS AND HYSTERIA THAT WOULD ACCOMPANY “I WEIGH KG 400” OR “IT IS °F 70 TODAY IN FEBRUARY” THE WORLD WOULD BE CONSUMED IN FLAMES YET WE LET SUCH SINFUL BEHAVIOR GO ON EVERY DAY WITH THE DOLLAR SYMBOL. IT IS NOT AS IF WE DON’T HAVE EXAMPLES OF SENSIBLE PRACTICE TO LOOK AT I AM LOATH TO ADMIT TO BUT THE EURO SYMBOL IS RIGHTLY PLACED AFTER THE NUMBER AND EUROPE IS NOT ENGULFED IN HYSTERIA DUE TO THAT PERHAPS FOR OTHER REASONS BUT THE EURO SYMBOL IS INNOCENT. I BLAME OUR CURRENT MISFORTUNE ON THE DUMB BRITS WHO THINK THEY INVENTED TEA AND DON’T RINSE THEIR DISHES AND PUT THE POUND STERLING SYMBOL BEFORE THE NUMBER IT IS MOST INDUBITABLY THEIR FAULT.
Putting the dollar sign in front of the number sucks. It is killing America.